After arriving at UAB hospital, I was informed that I had a decision to make. With my BP still climbing, both of our lives were in danger. I was given a shot to strengthen my baby's lungs, which would take 12 hours to work, and then a second shot would be administered and another 12 hours to take affect, then they said they would give me some time to discuss with my parents and spouse what decision to make. (my spouse was home from Iraq for a month to heal from an injury to his foot) There were tests and ultrasounds to find out how the baby was doing. Finally the doctor came in and told us that there was about a 70% chance that the baby would live if delivered now, but if not both our lives would be in great danger. Due to my high BP they were concerned about stroke and placental abruption, which would very likely take us both. The decision was made with my declining health. They would preform a c-section right away, only a couple of hours after my first shot which would not have time to work. This was the scariest moment in my life! All I could do was pray, I knew it was up to God to save my baby and me. After a grueling spinal, they tried 8 times before they had to get someone else to get it done, I was prepared for the surgery. All I remember is laying there praying the entire time for my baby to be spared.
When he was delivered there was not a sound, I was the one crying. They took him to a corner of the room that I could not see and began working on him. After what seemed like forever, only a few minutes in reality, they said they were taking him to the ICU. I asked to see him first, reluctantly the nurse brought him around for me to see and allowed me to kiss his foot before they put him into an isolette and wheeled him away. He weighed 2 lbs. 7 oz. and was 14" long.
I was in recovery for a long time before I was allowed to see anyone, or get any news of my baby. My blood pressure had plummeted so I was alone with God for a long time praying. I was finally taken to a room, and by this time, more family had arrived, I was surrounded with love. I was given a Polaroid picture of my son. My family was allowed to go into the ICU by twos, and after a good scrubbing was allowed to touch his little foot, or hand. They took videos of him for me, as I was unable to get out of bed at all for over 24 hrs. It was the longest time of my life waiting to be able to only touch my baby.
Showing posts with label My Story.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Story.... Show all posts
Friday, November 20, 2009
Part 2...
When I finally was able, even with everyones warnings of his condition, I cried at the site of his little body consumed by so many tubes, and surrounded by several machines. I just wanted to pick him up and hold his little body against mine. He was so tiny, he could not even cry. You knew when he was hurting though by the expression on his little face. I had never in my life before prayed like I did in those 10 weeks he was in that hospital.
I was finally able to hold him after a couple of days, but only to lift him off the bed for the nurse to put down a clean blanket. It was about a week before I was able to cradle him in my arms. How I cherished those times! I was released after about 2 weeks, and stayed with a family member who lived 20 miles away. It was a trial to leave him behind. Everyday from open to close I stayed by his bed begging to change diapers, anything just to touch him. My dear sweet mom left her job and moved with my son and I into a small apartment so that I could have both of my babies close. A wonderful church, Homewood Church of Christ, allowed us to live in one of their apartments until my baby could go home. So many people loved and supported us thru that time! I will forever be grateful for it!
Can I just say God was right there! The whole time, thru all the agonizing roller coasters of his recovery and relapses, He was right there! God brought us thru this and many other battles to come. They let us come home a little early because the doctor said,"mom is here every single day more than we are, she knows everything to do, they will be fine." I called it our 'good behavior release' lol. Oh getting home was both exciting and terrifying, I set my alarm for every 3 hours,(the same schedule they had him on in the hospital) to change, check body temp, and feed. He was such a good baby!
The only signs that he was ever in that condition was his heart condition, which was later found a direct link to a genetic disorder which he and his baby brother both have. He had heart surgery when he was able to put on a little weight, at three months old he was 5 lbs. We went back to that hospital for the surgery, he came thru it great and only had to stay overnight!
God has been so good to us and always so faithful to provide!
This child of mine is His, and He spared him for a great purpose, I can hardly wait to learn what my little monkey is called to do!
Isaiah 43:11-13
I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. 12 First I predicted your rescue, then I saved you and proclaimed it to the world. No foreign god has ever don this. You are witnesses that I am the only God," says the Lord. 13 "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done."
Praise the Lord!!! Thank you Father!!!
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Next Miracle... part 1
As I shared in my last blog of this series, a few weeks after the loss of my child, I found that I was again expecting...
I, of course was very scared, because according to my OB, it was too soon for me to try to carry another baby. But it wasn't too soon for God to perform a miracle!! About 6 weeks along with this pregnancy, I was in WalMart with my son, who was at the time just a little over one year, and was not yet walking. I was doing my weekly grocery shopping, when I started getting very light-headed and having major hot flashes. I grabbed my son and headed straight for the bathroom. When I got into the stall with my son I saw the reason for my sudden sickness, I was loosing my baby! I don't remember much after that just the room around me spinning. Sometime later-just a few minutes I think, I was able to get up, and get my son out of the bathroom. I just kept saying "I have to get to the hospital, how am I going to get there with my son?" Well little did I know, but God had all that planned already...
As I stepped out of the bathroom, I ran into my husbands Aunt from Germany! How she happened to be in Alabama, and right in front of me at that very moment was nothing short of God's provision for us!! Immediately she knew something was wrong, she grabbed my son, and hurried us out to her car, where I phoned my dad, and the doctor. After that was yet another blur of activity... I remember getting to my doctors office, and my dad being with me. After an exam, my doctor said he wasn't sure what had happened or what will happen, but for now it seemed that the baby was okay. He gave me some pills to prevent the impending miscarriage, to take throughout the rest of my first trimester, and ordered me to bed rest. Oh, how I prayed for this child to be spared!!
Everything seemed to progress well for the next couple of months, with regular ultrasounds to assess the baby's progress. I found out at 20 weeks that it was to be another little boy! I was so happy! (I forgot to mention, that during this pregnancy, my husband -at the time was in Iraq)
Just a few days after finding out that I was to have a little boy, I started having more dizzy spells, and went into labor. I went straight to the hospital, and they found that I had High blood pressure, along with pre-term labor. I stayed overnight, and went home with medicine to take for the rest of the pregnancy to stop the labor, and resumed semi-bed rest. I was at approx 23 weeks along. During the next few weeks, there were frequent trips to my doctor, and the ER because the medicine was not working as it should, and my blood pressure was getting higher,(I had to check it every 3 hours, every day, along with my pulse because of the meds I was on)
At 28 weeks, I went to the ER for the final time, I was in labor, and my blood pressure was 169/110. I was taken by ambulance to UAB ( University of Alabama Hospital in Birmingham). They are well known for their neo-natal ICU. If there was a chance for my little boy, and I to live, that was where we both needed to be...
to be continued...
I, of course was very scared, because according to my OB, it was too soon for me to try to carry another baby. But it wasn't too soon for God to perform a miracle!! About 6 weeks along with this pregnancy, I was in WalMart with my son, who was at the time just a little over one year, and was not yet walking. I was doing my weekly grocery shopping, when I started getting very light-headed and having major hot flashes. I grabbed my son and headed straight for the bathroom. When I got into the stall with my son I saw the reason for my sudden sickness, I was loosing my baby! I don't remember much after that just the room around me spinning. Sometime later-just a few minutes I think, I was able to get up, and get my son out of the bathroom. I just kept saying "I have to get to the hospital, how am I going to get there with my son?" Well little did I know, but God had all that planned already...
As I stepped out of the bathroom, I ran into my husbands Aunt from Germany! How she happened to be in Alabama, and right in front of me at that very moment was nothing short of God's provision for us!! Immediately she knew something was wrong, she grabbed my son, and hurried us out to her car, where I phoned my dad, and the doctor. After that was yet another blur of activity... I remember getting to my doctors office, and my dad being with me. After an exam, my doctor said he wasn't sure what had happened or what will happen, but for now it seemed that the baby was okay. He gave me some pills to prevent the impending miscarriage, to take throughout the rest of my first trimester, and ordered me to bed rest. Oh, how I prayed for this child to be spared!!
Everything seemed to progress well for the next couple of months, with regular ultrasounds to assess the baby's progress. I found out at 20 weeks that it was to be another little boy! I was so happy! (I forgot to mention, that during this pregnancy, my husband -at the time was in Iraq)
Just a few days after finding out that I was to have a little boy, I started having more dizzy spells, and went into labor. I went straight to the hospital, and they found that I had High blood pressure, along with pre-term labor. I stayed overnight, and went home with medicine to take for the rest of the pregnancy to stop the labor, and resumed semi-bed rest. I was at approx 23 weeks along. During the next few weeks, there were frequent trips to my doctor, and the ER because the medicine was not working as it should, and my blood pressure was getting higher,(I had to check it every 3 hours, every day, along with my pulse because of the meds I was on)
At 28 weeks, I went to the ER for the final time, I was in labor, and my blood pressure was 169/110. I was taken by ambulance to UAB ( University of Alabama Hospital in Birmingham). They are well known for their neo-natal ICU. If there was a chance for my little boy, and I to live, that was where we both needed to be...
to be continued...
Sunday, October 18, 2009
memories, heartache, miracles
Did you know that God grants miracles for his children even when they are being rebellious? I know, because he has done this for me over and over, miracle after miracle, bringing me back to where He wants me. It makes since though, earthly parents still love their children even when they are doing wrong, even when they aren't doing what they should be doing. God's love for us is even greater than any parent's love for a child. No matter where we are or what we have done, He loves His children. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was very young, in the old nursery, in the front of our old church, with my mom holding my hands, praying for me, and leading me to my Heavenly Father.
As I got older, I didn't talk to Him as much, didn't lean on Him as I should have. I was a follower of the crowd, you might say. I wanted to be liked and accepted by others and along the way, I lost the close relationship with my Heavenly Father. In turn made a lot of mistakes that could have been avoided if I had just listened.
When I was expecting my first born child, I tried to live the life I should, I taught Sunday School, and was very involved in church activities. After he was born, I went through some sort of depression, and slipped back again. I kept trying to 'do right' on my own, only giving pieces of myself to Him, when He requires all of me. This, I realize is where I kept messing up. Too much pride in self to give everything over, and too much stubbornness too.
So, I went looking for love everywhere but the cross, all my adult life, and everywhere I went I slipped further down that slippery slope. I remarried when I was nineteen years old, my second marriage. Again I chose not to marry for love, but for need. My son needed a father, I told myself it was a normal thing. People get married all the time like this and grow to love each other over time. He was my friend, and he was fun, that was enough right? I could love him, I did in a way, just not the way a wife should love a husband, not unconditional love. (I don't think you can have that kind of love without Christ center in your life.)
Three weeks before the wedding, on November 17, 2002, I lost our first child.
Proceed with the wedding is all I heard, it will take your mind off of things. Everything was a haze. I felt so alone. I was depressed. My parents and his mom came to stay with me, but I sent them away to care for my son. The doctor had said there's nothing he could do, if the baby is going to be lost he couldn't stop it, it was too early. So, I lay in bed laboring all night alone in my apartment, praying for God to save it, until it was over. My second child was gone to be with Jesus, and I felt like a failure. My mom came the next morning with my son, my future mother-in-law came, I was out of it, I couldn't even call my future husband and tell him what had happened, because he was off on assignment somewhere and would not be able to get away. I had to pretend everything was ok when he called, so as not to worry him, and wait and tell him when he got home. I felt like I was not there, I was just watching everything go on around me. This couldn't be happening.
Proceed with the wedding, don't let people think that the baby was the reason for the marriage. I told myself this over and over. I was falling apart inside. I questioned God over and over. I ran that day over & over in my head. 'I visited mom at work, I drove down to see Granlere, we prayed, I came home, still no pain, only light spotting. I called his mom, went to ER - nothing to do but wait. I sent my son with my daddy- I needed to be at my home - alone. Then the pain, contractions all night, nothing to do, couldn't stop it, then it was over.' "what went wrong" oh- I tortured my self with this question for years afterward. The answer, nothing. It was part of God's will for my life to endure, for a higher purpose, to make me stronger for what was to come...
I got married and conceived again on the honeymoon. I was scared to death." How? The doctor put me on pills, we were supposed to wait six months before trying? Why didn't the pills work? It has only been three weeks since our loss, Am I ready for this?"...
As I got older, I didn't talk to Him as much, didn't lean on Him as I should have. I was a follower of the crowd, you might say. I wanted to be liked and accepted by others and along the way, I lost the close relationship with my Heavenly Father. In turn made a lot of mistakes that could have been avoided if I had just listened.
When I was expecting my first born child, I tried to live the life I should, I taught Sunday School, and was very involved in church activities. After he was born, I went through some sort of depression, and slipped back again. I kept trying to 'do right' on my own, only giving pieces of myself to Him, when He requires all of me. This, I realize is where I kept messing up. Too much pride in self to give everything over, and too much stubbornness too.
So, I went looking for love everywhere but the cross, all my adult life, and everywhere I went I slipped further down that slippery slope. I remarried when I was nineteen years old, my second marriage. Again I chose not to marry for love, but for need. My son needed a father, I told myself it was a normal thing. People get married all the time like this and grow to love each other over time. He was my friend, and he was fun, that was enough right? I could love him, I did in a way, just not the way a wife should love a husband, not unconditional love. (I don't think you can have that kind of love without Christ center in your life.)
Three weeks before the wedding, on November 17, 2002, I lost our first child.
Proceed with the wedding is all I heard, it will take your mind off of things. Everything was a haze. I felt so alone. I was depressed. My parents and his mom came to stay with me, but I sent them away to care for my son. The doctor had said there's nothing he could do, if the baby is going to be lost he couldn't stop it, it was too early. So, I lay in bed laboring all night alone in my apartment, praying for God to save it, until it was over. My second child was gone to be with Jesus, and I felt like a failure. My mom came the next morning with my son, my future mother-in-law came, I was out of it, I couldn't even call my future husband and tell him what had happened, because he was off on assignment somewhere and would not be able to get away. I had to pretend everything was ok when he called, so as not to worry him, and wait and tell him when he got home. I felt like I was not there, I was just watching everything go on around me. This couldn't be happening.
Proceed with the wedding, don't let people think that the baby was the reason for the marriage. I told myself this over and over. I was falling apart inside. I questioned God over and over. I ran that day over & over in my head. 'I visited mom at work, I drove down to see Granlere, we prayed, I came home, still no pain, only light spotting. I called his mom, went to ER - nothing to do but wait. I sent my son with my daddy- I needed to be at my home - alone. Then the pain, contractions all night, nothing to do, couldn't stop it, then it was over.' "what went wrong" oh- I tortured my self with this question for years afterward. The answer, nothing. It was part of God's will for my life to endure, for a higher purpose, to make me stronger for what was to come...
I got married and conceived again on the honeymoon. I was scared to death." How? The doctor put me on pills, we were supposed to wait six months before trying? Why didn't the pills work? It has only been three weeks since our loss, Am I ready for this?"...
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Miracles...
This is the first of a series of posts to come about the miracles in my life...
I will start with my oldest boy monkey. After several "false alarms" (and I do mean several) lol, I was admitted to the hospital right before Christmas to be induced to deliver my first born son. The labor was not bad (as far as labor is concerned), it lasted about twelve and a half long hours. Both of my parents were in the room with me, I wanted them both to share in this new life with me.
Let me back up a little, I got married when I was seventeen, I was a very rebellious teenager, who thought life outside of my house just had to be the way. Looking back, my life at home was wonderful, I have the best parents anyone could ask for, there are none better. I very much regret that I did not appreciate my life then. I was raised in church, and knew I was not living right. But I was running. After just three months of marriage, I found out there was a new life coming. I was scared to death, about the same time, I found out "who I was married to" so to speak, I won't go into a lot of details, but I will say that even though I had a 'wild streak' I was always adamantly against drugs of any kind. I started finding things in my house, and all I could think was this child will never have a chance here, and I later found out that was very true for a number of reasons... So, I called my family they welcomed me back with open arms, without any judgement for what I had put them through. Which is another story altogether, not to be told yet.
So there we three were in the delivery room, getting ready to welcome a new member to our little family. During the very last stages of delivery, my little boy's heart stopped beating. I had never been so afraid in all my life! I just prayed and held onto my parents with everything in me as I was rushed into an operating room, past my sister, and my grandparents in the hall who were crying and assuring their prayers until a safe delivery, and pray they did, the whole time. The doctors began the operation, while giving me more pain medicine, because the epidural was already beginning to wear off. They allowed my mom in the operating room with me, and they let my dad observe from the door, against hospital regulations, but they would not leave me, and I would not let them leave either. After a very few minutes, I heard the most beautiful sound in all the world, my baby was screaming! He was alive, and mad!! The doctor later told us that the cord was around his neck, they got to him just in time! Oh, he was the most beautiful little boy in all the world, and he was healthy! All 6 lbs, 9 oz of him!
As the days past, we realized that he had an eating problem, he was fed with a syringe at first then a preemie bottle. He could not nurse. At the time, we were all just very grateful to have him, that we didn't think too much about it, he just had to get my nourishment a different way. But now looking back I think that was maybe the first sign there was something different about him. He grew and matured normally until it came time to walk, which he did not do until he was 19 months old, and he did not talk until he was about 4 and a half. He has been in speech therapy, language therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy, since he was just over a year old. We have been searching for the eluding answers ever since. Recently we were told he has autistic disorder, and mild cerebral palsy which were both suspected. They are sill running more tests to assure that nothing has been missed in his treatment... This boy has been through so much in his young life, he was adopted by my second husband, his brother's dad, when we were married before his first birthday, and officially a little while later. Recently this dad decided he did not want to be that to him anymore. He still does not quite understand this, but thankfully has blocked most of these things that have happened out, he still asks 'why' sometimes, but not as much anymore. You see my husband, the love of my life, has filled that void for him, with all the love a father has for a son. That little boy tells anyone who will listen who his dad is, and that he loves him very much!
This little sunshine that was formed by God and was almost lost at the beginning, is the one who brought my family back together. He has brought so much happiness into our lives! Loving, that is the one word that describes this little gift. He always has hugs for all those people in his life he loves. He has so much love to give, that is God's gift to this world, to our family, the love of this child.
It amazes me that there are those out there who can not see God's love in children such as these. What a wonderful gift God gave me for Christmas that year!
I will start with my oldest boy monkey. After several "false alarms" (and I do mean several) lol, I was admitted to the hospital right before Christmas to be induced to deliver my first born son. The labor was not bad (as far as labor is concerned), it lasted about twelve and a half long hours. Both of my parents were in the room with me, I wanted them both to share in this new life with me.
Let me back up a little, I got married when I was seventeen, I was a very rebellious teenager, who thought life outside of my house just had to be the way. Looking back, my life at home was wonderful, I have the best parents anyone could ask for, there are none better. I very much regret that I did not appreciate my life then. I was raised in church, and knew I was not living right. But I was running. After just three months of marriage, I found out there was a new life coming. I was scared to death, about the same time, I found out "who I was married to" so to speak, I won't go into a lot of details, but I will say that even though I had a 'wild streak' I was always adamantly against drugs of any kind. I started finding things in my house, and all I could think was this child will never have a chance here, and I later found out that was very true for a number of reasons... So, I called my family they welcomed me back with open arms, without any judgement for what I had put them through. Which is another story altogether, not to be told yet.
So there we three were in the delivery room, getting ready to welcome a new member to our little family. During the very last stages of delivery, my little boy's heart stopped beating. I had never been so afraid in all my life! I just prayed and held onto my parents with everything in me as I was rushed into an operating room, past my sister, and my grandparents in the hall who were crying and assuring their prayers until a safe delivery, and pray they did, the whole time. The doctors began the operation, while giving me more pain medicine, because the epidural was already beginning to wear off. They allowed my mom in the operating room with me, and they let my dad observe from the door, against hospital regulations, but they would not leave me, and I would not let them leave either. After a very few minutes, I heard the most beautiful sound in all the world, my baby was screaming! He was alive, and mad!! The doctor later told us that the cord was around his neck, they got to him just in time! Oh, he was the most beautiful little boy in all the world, and he was healthy! All 6 lbs, 9 oz of him!
As the days past, we realized that he had an eating problem, he was fed with a syringe at first then a preemie bottle. He could not nurse. At the time, we were all just very grateful to have him, that we didn't think too much about it, he just had to get my nourishment a different way. But now looking back I think that was maybe the first sign there was something different about him. He grew and matured normally until it came time to walk, which he did not do until he was 19 months old, and he did not talk until he was about 4 and a half. He has been in speech therapy, language therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy, since he was just over a year old. We have been searching for the eluding answers ever since. Recently we were told he has autistic disorder, and mild cerebral palsy which were both suspected. They are sill running more tests to assure that nothing has been missed in his treatment... This boy has been through so much in his young life, he was adopted by my second husband, his brother's dad, when we were married before his first birthday, and officially a little while later. Recently this dad decided he did not want to be that to him anymore. He still does not quite understand this, but thankfully has blocked most of these things that have happened out, he still asks 'why' sometimes, but not as much anymore. You see my husband, the love of my life, has filled that void for him, with all the love a father has for a son. That little boy tells anyone who will listen who his dad is, and that he loves him very much!
This little sunshine that was formed by God and was almost lost at the beginning, is the one who brought my family back together. He has brought so much happiness into our lives! Loving, that is the one word that describes this little gift. He always has hugs for all those people in his life he loves. He has so much love to give, that is God's gift to this world, to our family, the love of this child.
It amazes me that there are those out there who can not see God's love in children such as these. What a wonderful gift God gave me for Christmas that year!
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