Monday, December 14, 2009

Have you read the story of the prophetess Deborah? It is found in Judges 4 and 5. I encourage you even if you have go back and read it again, study on it. Also there is a novel Song of Deborah by Bette M Ross. I encourage you to find a copy and read it.

It is amazing to me to think on all the wonders our Lord has done for His people. From the stories of Joshua, Moses, and Jacob. The Israelites were God's chosen people, He brought them out of bondage, He gave them His commandments, He favors His children, and yet tying all these stories together, in order from the beginning, it amazes me still how the Israelites were not satisfied. Some took idol gods to serve, they wanted to serve a god they could see time and time again. Why? That is what I wonder. God had been with them, He spoke to them through His prophets, they saw His signs and wonders, and yet they always wanted more, they wanted what in their minds was better. Before the time of Deborah, God gave the Israelites all of the land of Canaan, and yet they allowed outsiders rule some of the area, instead of taking what was rightfully theirs, given to them by God. God spoke to Deborah, He spoke through her to His people, because she was totally devoted to her Father God. In the end still only a few of His nations followed in the Holy war against Sisera as God commanded.
How little faith those children of God had!
What is He calling us to do today?
Is wanting more and better than what we have a stumbling block? YES!
Have you ever thought, if I just had this, or that my life would be better? Guilty! I think everyone has. Why are we not satisfied with our God? Why do we think we always need more and better? The world today has so much of a hold on some lives that I wonder if we would hear our God above it all sometimes. It is a scary thought that we as Christians are making the same mistakes of old. We are doing what we want instead of listening to and trusting our Father.
We have to become totally devoted to our Father God at all cost. We have to put all of our trust and hope in Him, because in the end, He will use those who are truly His. He will use those who will sacrifice all for the sake of God.
Do you trust Him enough to give your all?
Even though you will be tested to the limit?
Even though people even in your church and in your own family, will mock you?
Even though some might label you as crazy?
Do you trust in the Lord God enough to endure all to do His will and follow wherever He will lead?
Serious questions that require serious answers.
We have to stop listening to outside forces, and concentrate on God. We have to seek His will now more than ever before. We have to seek inside ourselves to take before Him all that is not pleasing in His eyes, and make a commitment to Him once and for all.

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world."

Get alone with God, talk to Him, LISTEN to Him. If He doesn't speak to you right away, wait for Him. Pray and read His word. You have to decide...

Are you ALL IN or ALL OUT???

I realize that it is Christmas time, and this has been pretty hard for some to read, but I felt it on my heart to share that the time has come to decide...

I love you all! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

My third little miracle

It has been some weeks since my last post, I am sorry. As I have been writing this series, I have been going back thru the blessings as well as the trials. I have so much I want to say, but can't seem to get it out sometimes... please bare with me, and pray me thru this...

A little over a year after the the scary birth of my second son, I had been going over some pretty rocky roads. On the morning I was pouring out my burdens to my mom for help I found out I was again expecting! To say I was terrified, would be a serious understatement for several reasons, some I do not feel free to share at this time... but one reason I was scared was of the possibility of loosing another child, by this time I had lost two, and then the scary birth of my little one year old, who was barely over 15 pounds at the time himself. My doctor had advised no more children, and I was on meds to prevent such a thing... but, my Father saw differently.

I made it through the first few months pretty well. I had regular check-ups, and frequent tests and ultrasounds. When I got into my 24th week however, things took a turn, I started having contractions, and was again back and forth in the hospital. I was put back on the meds to prevent premature delivery. Aside from checking my vitals every 4 hours, everything seemed to go well, almost like a normal pregnancy. I was being closely monitored every week by my doctor.

Week 35 began with another doctor appointment, but to me it was not just any other, I was having contractions again. My dear sweet doctor ( and I do mean that, I really loved my doc. He was always right there beside me through everything), he decided that it must be false labor breaking thru the meds, and sent me back home. Well I told him that I would be back, and he just smiled and said we needed to at least wait a few more weeks before delivering this baby. I labored all night at home in my bed, and bright and early the next morning, I started calling and letting everyone know that this little one was not going to wait any longer. I went to the hospital and met my doctor there. He still had a smile on his face and said something about my babies being impatient.*smile* A few short hours later I had a new little boy in my arms. When he was delivered my doctor wanted to know if I was sure my dates were right because he was a big one! This was a joke of course because he was the one to confirm the date early on... he said if he would have been full term, he would have probably been 12 pounds!!
He was my biggest baby weighing in at 8 lbs 2 oz. At 5 weeks early, he still had to be on oxygen for a couple of days. On the fourth day his doctor heard the murmur in his heart. My heart sank. Early on I had questioned all of the doctors of the likely hood of this child having the same heart problem as my other child, the answer from each was a very slim chance. He was taken by ambulance to Montgomery to the children's ICU there. Of course, I demanded to be released right away to go with him, my sweet doctor understood, and with very strict orders to come see him in a couple of days he sent me off.

We were only in that hospital overnight. It was confirmed to be the exact heart disorder his big brother has. Years later we have found out that it was caused by a genetic disorder called Noonan's Syndrome. Still very odd to their doctors though, that they both have the same issues. Not odd at all to my God though, He is Who made them who they are, the way they are. He has a purpose in it all, and in the process blessed me with some mighty wonderful miracles!!

Jeremiah 1:5
I knew you before I formed you in your mothers womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations."

I am so excited to see the mighty things my Father has in store for these precious babies he has blessed me with!!



Friday, November 20, 2009

Part 2...

After arriving at UAB hospital, I was informed that I had a decision to make. With my BP still climbing, both of our lives were in danger. I was given a shot to strengthen my baby's lungs, which would take 12 hours to work, and then a second shot would be administered and another 12 hours to take affect, then they said they would give me some time to discuss with my parents and spouse what decision to make. (my spouse was home from Iraq for a month to heal from an injury to his foot) There were tests and ultrasounds to find out how the baby was doing. Finally the doctor came in and told us that there was about a 70% chance that the baby would live if delivered now, but if not both our lives would be in great danger. Due to my high BP they were concerned about stroke and placental abruption, which would very likely take us both. The decision was made with my declining health. They would preform a c-section right away, only a couple of hours after my first shot which would not have time to work. This was the scariest moment in my life! All I could do was pray, I knew it was up to God to save my baby and me. After a grueling spinal, they tried 8 times before they had to get someone else to get it done, I was prepared for the surgery. All I remember is laying there praying the entire time for my baby to be spared.
When he was delivered there was not a sound, I was the one crying. They took him to a corner of the room that I could not see and began working on him. After what seemed like forever, only a few minutes in reality, they said they were taking him to the ICU. I asked to see him first, reluctantly the nurse brought him around for me to see and allowed me to kiss his foot before they put him into an isolette and wheeled him away. He weighed 2 lbs. 7 oz. and was 14" long.
I was in recovery for a long time before I was allowed to see anyone, or get any news of my baby. My blood pressure had plummeted so I was alone with God for a long time praying. I was finally taken to a room, and by this time, more family had arrived, I was surrounded with love. I was given a Polaroid picture of my son. My family was allowed to go into the ICU by twos, and after a good scrubbing was allowed to touch his little foot, or hand. They took videos of him for me, as I was unable to get out of bed at all for over 24 hrs. It was the longest time of my life waiting to be able to only touch my baby.

When I finally was able, even with everyones warnings of his condition, I cried at the site of his little body consumed by so many tubes, and surrounded by several machines. I just wanted to pick him up and hold his little body against mine. He was so tiny, he could not even cry. You knew when he was hurting though by the expression on his little face. I had never in my life before prayed like I did in those 10 weeks he was in that hospital.

I was finally able to hold him after a couple of days, but only to lift him off the bed for the nurse to put down a clean blanket. It was about a week before I was able to cradle him in my arms. How I cherished those times! I was released after about 2 weeks, and stayed with a family member who lived 20 miles away. It was a trial to leave him behind. Everyday from open to close I stayed by his bed begging to change diapers, anything just to touch him. My dear sweet mom left her job and moved with my son and I into a small apartment so that I could have both of my babies close. A wonderful church, Homewood Church of Christ, allowed us to live in one of their apartments until my baby could go home. So many people loved and supported us thru that time! I will forever be grateful for it!
Can I just say God was right there! The whole time, thru all the agonizing roller coasters of his recovery and relapses, He was right there! God brought us thru this and many other battles to come. They let us come home a little early because the doctor said,"mom is here every single day more than we are, she knows everything to do, they will be fine." I called it our 'good behavior release' lol. Oh getting home was both exciting and terrifying, I set my alarm for every 3 hours,(the same schedule they had him on in the hospital) to change, check body temp, and feed. He was such a good baby!
The only signs that he was ever in that condition was his heart condition, which was later found a direct link to a genetic disorder which he and his baby brother both have. He had heart surgery when he was able to put on a little weight, at three months old he was 5 lbs. We went back to that hospital for the surgery, he came thru it great and only had to stay overnight!
God has been so good to us and always so faithful to provide!
This child of mine is His, and He spared him for a great purpose, I can hardly wait to learn what my little monkey is called to do!

Isaiah 43:11-13
I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior. 12 First I predicted your rescue, then I saved you and proclaimed it to the world. No foreign god has ever don this. You are witnesses that I am the only God," says the Lord. 13 "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done."
Praise the Lord!!! Thank you Father!!!


Monday, November 9, 2009

The Next Miracle... part 1

As I shared in my last blog of this series, a few weeks after the loss of my child, I found that I was again expecting...
I, of course was very scared, because according to my OB, it was too soon for me to try to carry another baby. But it wasn't too soon for God to perform a miracle!! About 6 weeks along with this pregnancy, I was in WalMart with my son, who was at the time just a little over one year, and was not yet walking. I was doing my weekly grocery shopping, when I started getting very light-headed and having major hot flashes. I grabbed my son and headed straight for the bathroom. When I got into the stall with my son I saw the reason for my sudden sickness, I was loosing my baby! I don't remember much after that just the room around me spinning. Sometime later-just a few minutes I think, I was able to get up, and get my son out of the bathroom. I just kept saying "I have to get to the hospital, how am I going to get there with my son?" Well little did I know, but God had all that planned already...
As I stepped out of the bathroom, I ran into my husbands Aunt from Germany! How she happened to be in Alabama, and right in front of me at that very moment was nothing short of God's provision for us!! Immediately she knew something was wrong, she grabbed my son, and hurried us out to her car, where I phoned my dad, and the doctor. After that was yet another blur of activity... I remember getting to my doctors office, and my dad being with me. After an exam, my doctor said he wasn't sure what had happened or what will happen, but for now it seemed that the baby was okay. He gave me some pills to prevent the impending miscarriage, to take throughout the rest of my first trimester, and ordered me to bed rest. Oh, how I prayed for this child to be spared!!
Everything seemed to progress well for the next couple of months, with regular ultrasounds to assess the baby's progress. I found out at 20 weeks that it was to be another little boy! I was so happy! (I forgot to mention, that during this pregnancy, my husband -at the time was in Iraq)
Just a few days after finding out that I was to have a little boy, I started having more dizzy spells, and went into labor. I went straight to the hospital, and they found that I had High blood pressure, along with pre-term labor. I stayed overnight, and went home with medicine to take for the rest of the pregnancy to stop the labor, and resumed semi-bed rest. I was at approx 23 weeks along. During the next few weeks, there were frequent trips to my doctor, and the ER because the medicine was not working as it should, and my blood pressure was getting higher,(I had to check it every 3 hours, every day, along with my pulse because of the meds I was on)
At 28 weeks, I went to the ER for the final time, I was in labor, and my blood pressure was 169/110. I was taken by ambulance to UAB ( University of Alabama Hospital in Birmingham). They are well known for their neo-natal ICU. If there was a chance for my little boy, and I to live, that was where we both needed to be...

to be continued...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Word to share...

I have been reading a new book, I'm not going to tell what it is until I finish reading it, but it has truly been an eye-opener!! I try to find a new way to describe it every time I tell anyone about it, but the only words that seem to fit it are powerful, eye-opener!! I usually have no trouble at all finishing a book soon after starting it, but there are forces trying to stop me from continuing the one. I have had to stop and bind those powers in Jesus name!! Throughout reading this book, the Holy Spirit has quickened me to some things that are coming against my family, and against me. I got on my face before God today and He began to show me some things that needed a Blood covering-and they got it!!

I was given this scripture to share with you today:

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you; and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

This should be our daily prayer as our thoughts should always be on Jesus! We are in spiritual warfare every single day and we can Not leave any door open or any foothold for Satan to find and use against us! Keep your eyes on Jesus!

Hebrews 12:1-4 (NLT)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.
Think of all the hostility He endured from the sinful people; then you won't become weary and give up.
After all you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.

Take up your whole armor daily and stand firm on the word of God!!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I have attempted to post the next segment of the series I have started for the past week or so, and haven't been able to put everything down yet. I will be continuing on it soon.

Today however, I opened my Bible, and a portion jumped out at me, and I feel I need to share it.
Isaiah 41:1-4 (NLT)
1"Listen in silence before me, you lands beyond the sea. Bring your strongest arguments. Come now and speak. The court is ready for your case."
2"Who has stirred up this king from the east, rightly calling him to God's service? Who gives this man victory over many nations and permits him to trample their kings underfoot? With his sword, he reduces armies to dust. With his bow, he scatters them like chaff before the wind."
3" He chases them away and goes on safely, though he is walking over unfamiliar ground."
4" Who has done such mighty deeds, summoning each new generation from the beginning of time? It is I, the Lord, the First and the Last. I alone am he."

How Great is our God!!! He has called all nations to a trial to prove that He alone is God!!
Wow! There is nothing or no one greater than our God, no circumstance He hasn't foreseen, nothing He can't handle!! We have to stand firm in the knowledge that He is our God, our protector from outside forces. Someone is struggling with a force against their home, their family, and them personally. Stand firm in God, He will shut the lions mouths. He will give you strength! He hears your cries, and He alone will bring you through this valley. Look up and know that He is God!! Hallelujah!!! Thank you Jesus!!!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

memories, heartache, miracles

Did you know that God grants miracles for his children even when they are being rebellious? I know, because he has done this for me over and over, miracle after miracle, bringing me back to where He wants me. It makes since though, earthly parents still love their children even when they are doing wrong, even when they aren't doing what they should be doing. God's love for us is even greater than any parent's love for a child. No matter where we are or what we have done, He loves His children. I gave my heart to Jesus when I was very young, in the old nursery, in the front of our old church, with my mom holding my hands, praying for me, and leading me to my Heavenly Father.
As I got older, I didn't talk to Him as much, didn't lean on Him as I should have. I was a follower of the crowd, you might say. I wanted to be liked and accepted by others and along the way, I lost the close relationship with my Heavenly Father. In turn made a lot of mistakes that could have been avoided if I had just listened.
When I was expecting my first born child, I tried to live the life I should, I taught Sunday School, and was very involved in church activities. After he was born, I went through some sort of depression, and slipped back again. I kept trying to 'do right' on my own, only giving pieces of myself to Him, when He requires all of me. This, I realize is where I kept messing up. Too much pride in self to give everything over, and too much stubbornness too.
So, I went looking for love everywhere but the cross, all my adult life, and everywhere I went I slipped further down that slippery slope. I remarried when I was nineteen years old, my second marriage. Again I chose not to marry for love, but for need. My son needed a father, I told myself it was a normal thing. People get married all the time like this and grow to love each other over time. He was my friend, and he was fun, that was enough right? I could love him, I did in a way, just not the way a wife should love a husband, not unconditional love. (I don't think you can have that kind of love without Christ center in your life.)
Three weeks before the wedding, on November 17, 2002, I lost our first child.
Proceed with the wedding is all I heard, it will take your mind off of things. Everything was a haze. I felt so alone. I was depressed. My parents and his mom came to stay with me, but I sent them away to care for my son. The doctor had said there's nothing he could do, if the baby is going to be lost he couldn't stop it, it was too early. So, I lay in bed laboring all night alone in my apartment, praying for God to save it, until it was over. My second child was gone to be with Jesus, and I felt like a failure. My mom came the next morning with my son, my future mother-in-law came, I was out of it, I couldn't even call my future husband and tell him what had happened, because he was off on assignment somewhere and would not be able to get away. I had to pretend everything was ok when he called, so as not to worry him, and wait and tell him when he got home. I felt like I was not there, I was just watching everything go on around me. This couldn't be happening.
Proceed with the wedding, don't let people think that the baby was the reason for the marriage. I told myself this over and over. I was falling apart inside. I questioned God over and over. I ran that day over & over in my head. 'I visited mom at work, I drove down to see Granlere, we prayed, I came home, still no pain, only light spotting. I called his mom, went to ER - nothing to do but wait. I sent my son with my daddy- I needed to be at my home - alone. Then the pain, contractions all night, nothing to do, couldn't stop it, then it was over.' "what went wrong" oh- I tortured my self with this question for years afterward. The answer, nothing. It was part of God's will for my life to endure, for a higher purpose, to make me stronger for what was to come...
I got married and conceived again on the honeymoon. I was scared to death." How? The doctor put me on pills, we were supposed to wait six months before trying? Why didn't the pills work? It has only been three weeks since our loss, Am I ready for this?"...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Miracles...

This is the first of a series of posts to come about the miracles in my life...
I will start with my oldest boy monkey. After several "false alarms" (and I do mean several) lol, I was admitted to the hospital right before Christmas to be induced to deliver my first born son. The labor was not bad (as far as labor is concerned), it lasted about twelve and a half long hours. Both of my parents were in the room with me, I wanted them both to share in this new life with me.

Let me back up a little, I got married when I was seventeen, I was a very rebellious teenager, who thought life outside of my house just had to be the way. Looking back, my life at home was wonderful, I have the best parents anyone could ask for, there are none better. I very much regret that I did not appreciate my life then. I was raised in church, and knew I was not living right. But I was running. After just three months of marriage, I found out there was a new life coming. I was scared to death, about the same time, I found out "who I was married to" so to speak, I won't go into a lot of details, but I will say that even though I had a 'wild streak' I was always adamantly against drugs of any kind. I started finding things in my house, and all I could think was this child will never have a chance here, and I later found out that was very true for a number of reasons... So, I called my family they welcomed me back with open arms, without any judgement for what I had put them through. Which is another story altogether, not to be told yet.

So there we three were in the delivery room, getting ready to welcome a new member to our little family. During the very last stages of delivery, my little boy's heart stopped beating. I had never been so afraid in all my life! I just prayed and held onto my parents with everything in me as I was rushed into an operating room, past my sister, and my grandparents in the hall who were crying and assuring their prayers until a safe delivery, and pray they did, the whole time. The doctors began the operation, while giving me more pain medicine, because the epidural was already beginning to wear off. They allowed my mom in the operating room with me, and they let my dad observe from the door, against hospital regulations, but they would not leave me, and I would not let them leave either. After a very few minutes, I heard the most beautiful sound in all the world, my baby was screaming! He was alive, and mad!! The doctor later told us that the cord was around his neck, they got to him just in time! Oh, he was the most beautiful little boy in all the world, and he was healthy! All 6 lbs, 9 oz of him!
As the days past, we realized that he had an eating problem, he was fed with a syringe at first then a preemie bottle. He could not nurse. At the time, we were all just very grateful to have him, that we didn't think too much about it, he just had to get my nourishment a different way. But now looking back I think that was maybe the first sign there was something different about him. He grew and matured normally until it came time to walk, which he did not do until he was 19 months old, and he did not talk until he was about 4 and a half. He has been in speech therapy, language therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy, since he was just over a year old. We have been searching for the eluding answers ever since. Recently we were told he has autistic disorder, and mild cerebral palsy which were both suspected. They are sill running more tests to assure that nothing has been missed in his treatment... This boy has been through so much in his young life, he was adopted by my second husband, his brother's dad, when we were married before his first birthday, and officially a little while later. Recently this dad decided he did not want to be that to him anymore. He still does not quite understand this, but thankfully has blocked most of these things that have happened out, he still asks 'why' sometimes, but not as much anymore. You see my husband, the love of my life, has filled that void for him, with all the love a father has for a son. That little boy tells anyone who will listen who his dad is, and that he loves him very much!
This little sunshine that was formed by God and was almost lost at the beginning, is the one who brought my family back together. He has brought so much happiness into our lives! Loving, that is the one word that describes this little gift. He always has hugs for all those people in his life he loves. He has so much love to give, that is God's gift to this world, to our family, the love of this child.
It amazes me that there are those out there who can not see God's love in children such as these. What a wonderful gift God gave me for Christmas that year!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Prayer Request

Wednesday night, one of my monkeys went to bed with a very high fever, very weak, and very sick. To the doctor for tests yesterday morning, he has the swine flu, strep throat, and the croup. He has already lost 5 pounds, that he couldn't afford to loose from his skinny self. He has a heart condition, and asthma. He is on several different breathing treatments right now to strengthen his lungs. He needs much prayer. All five monkeys are taking the same meds to hopefully prevent them from getting sick. The littlest started the croupy cough this morning, no fever though. Please pray for our babies! Thank you!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Late last night I had a need to get out by myself for a little while. I wound up headed to Walmart and decided to get myself some flowers for my birthday, I have done this the past couple of years, because there is nothing better than waking up on your birthday with flowers! I was feeling kinda down last night with a lot on my mind. I walked in to find the perfect birthday flowers, and what jumped out at me?? A bouquet of Purple daises!!! I knew they were for me. I took them home, trimmed them up and put them in a glass of water by my bed. When I woke up this morning, it was like getting that call that never failed on my birthday every year from Aunt Wanda! I felt so close to her this morning! I remember she never once forgot to call me on my special day and was usually the first (after mom and dad) to wish me a happy day, and I love you! I am so blessed to have my family, every year all of my aunts, uncles, and grandparents call me on this day, they never forget. I love you all so much!!! You make my birthday great every year!

A miracle happened this morning. God sent his angels down around our little boy. He rides a handicap bus to school every morning, it was still dark out when he got ready to get on this morning. There is an aide on the bus that helps the kids on and off the bus. As usual he walked across the road and got our boy's hand to lead him across to get on the bus. There were cars lined up on either side of the bus waiting. Over the hill a semi did not see that there were cars stopped for the bus. He could not stop in time. I had just stepped back inside the house when I heard the horrible sound of that semi horn. We ran outside just in time to see him fish tailing around the bus that held our boy, and go in and out of the ditch at our driveway dodging all the cars. He didn't hit a single one, and everything kept going on like it had not just happened! Thank you Jesus for keeping our son safe and preventing what could have been a devastating accident!! What a wonderful birthday gift to feel God so close this morning!!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Creating...

Childhood...
Such a precious gift in life, being young and carefree. Of course you don't notice it at the time, you are just waiting for the milestone birthdays' to prove you as 'grown up'. It is funny how all children can't wait to grow up, while most adults wish for their childhood back.
My childhood was wonderful! I have great memories from each place I lived growing up. Among the early memories, is one of my mom in her sewing room in the back of my Granlere's barn, and my dad doing wood work inside the barn. I, as usual was running back and forth between the two gathering their scraps so that I could create something my very own. I found a heart shaped piece of wood from my dad's work station, not a perfect heart, but it looked good enough for my 6 year old eyes. Along with several scraps of material, when I say scraps I mean exactly that, narrow trash pieces no more than a few inches long.(My mom did not believe in throwing any material out, unless it was absolutely unusable for anything at all, the smaller scraps she used to make my sister and I some Barbie clothes, and such) Any way, I was so excited about my find, my treasures as I called them, that I couldn't wait to run right next door to our house and start gluing it all together, to make something new. Later I hid my prize underneath the tree skirt of our Christmas tree for my mom to find her very original, very "me" gift!
Thinking about how I took that less than perfect shaped heart to turn it into a prize, a gift, makes me think of our Savior, how He takes our misshapen, broken down hearts, remakes them into a beautiful prize for all the world to see, and rejoice in the new creature He has made! The pleasure I remember feeling creating this gift, can be nothing compared to the pleasure God feels when He creates a new life to serve Him! It still amazes me, just how much He cares for me!! I LOVE JESUS!! (repeat) YES I DO!! (repeat)I LOVE JESUS!!(repeat) HOW ABOUT YOU?!(repeat) I LOVE JESUS YES I DO I LOVE JESUS HOW ABOUT YOU!! (repeat) (my kids and I love to shout this song)!!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Trust

This is harder to put into words than I thought, I have already deleted everything four times!

Why is trusting so hard?
For me it is the hardest of all things. I have always struggled with being able to trust people, for as long as I can remember I have been let down by almost everyone I have come in contact with in my life (not including my wonderful family). I still struggle with this one issue more than any other, because when things seem to be going good, I am awaiting that next shoe to drop. What I have come to realize is, people are going to let you down, in the worst possible ways. People are unreliable. You have to understand this truly to get to the place where you can know that no matter what you say or do, you can't stop people from being people, that's what they are, imperfect. They will let you down. They will sometimes hurt you, and reject you. This is all very dismal, but also very true.
There is only One you can truly trust... God is perfect! He is reliable! He will never let you down! He will NEVER hurt or reject you! He is the only One who can love you unconditionally. He is the only One you can TRUST Fully!! When you get to the place where God's love takes center stage in your life and you can really give all of your trust to Him to take care of you. Only then can you be alright with yourself, in Him, and let the everyday worries go. Those worries of being able to trust in others not to hurt you . When others let you down, because they will - they are just people; you can trust in Him to see you through the hurt. He will wrap His loving arms around you and hold you while you cry, and He will lift you up and make everything feel alright again! I know because He has done that for me many times, and still does whenever I need Him to.
To trust is to put all your faith in God, not man. God will deal with the rest!

Updates...

I am sorry it has been so long in between posts... My dear mommy tells me often, just write about your day, doctors appts, etc. I always tell her I just like to wait to be inspired on a topic... but I do plan to start writing more often.

First, Keep praying for sweet Angel and her family! They have sent her daddy home, not because he is well enough to be there, but because the family insurance ran out! I know I still can't believe it myself, he should be in a rehab facility recovering, and learning to walk again... The family is doing everything possible to care for the girls and their parents right now, and really need to be lifted up, God is still working in their lives!

Second, The kids are doing well, the middle one is on a new med. now for his ADHD, and is thriving in school!!! Praise the Lord!!! The baby is going for a surgical consult soon with a urologist which I am very nervous about, and the oldest boy is going to the doctor again tomorrow, he did a switch in meds that is not at all working, so we will see what the nest step is tomorrow. The little girl and other sweet boy are both struggling in school right now, I have tried so many things to get them interested in school the way I was, but am running out of ideas... it is a daily task;)

I will go into more detail about each one another day, right now, I am moving on to another post that has been on my heart to share...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A little Angel

I had a call from a dear friend of mine this morning, concerning a miracle! She gave me permission to share the story in hopes to uplift all who hear...

Her nephew, his wife, and two precious little girls were in route to the doctors office on a rainy morning last week. Angel is 4 and her new baby sister is only a couple of months old. Out of nowhere a car plowed into the passenger side of their car, where little Angel and her daddy were sitting, and pushed them into yet another car! I don't know any more of the details of the crash, other than God was there on the spot!

When the grandmother got to the hospital, she ran into the paramedic from the scene of the horrible crash, the mommy has a broken pelvis he told her, the daddy also has a broken pelvis, much more severe, with pins placed in it, he also has a broken back in two places, but did not sever his spinal cord! He will walk! He also has a broken elbow and required surgery because his appendix was pushed into his gallbladder and both had to be removed, he is alive and he will again walk after much rehab! But Grandmother we can't figure one thing out, little sister, a few months old, in her baby seat was covered in glass and debris, but not a scratch was on her! And little Angel who sat right behind daddy on the passenger side of the car, with the most impact, she was completely unharmed other than a small bruise from the safety belt! We just can't understand it,she never should have survived it!
Well Grandmother, with tears in her eyes, just pointed up to the sky, and said "Oh, I truly do understand, He was there, and He protected His children!"

Please join with us in prayer for little Angel's family, they still have a long road of recovery ahead, little Angel at 4 years old is a remarkable child, she never meets a stranger, and talks like a grown up, she will be the first to tell you that prayer works, because she prayed that day! She has reminded everyone since, whenever they get into a car to pray first! She is so amazing to me! God is Great!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

The dreadful -WHY??

As I am sitting here today contemplating yet another afternoon of doctor appointments, I find myself trying in vain to remember all of the appointments my boys have endured in their short lives. I am ashamed to admit that the pesky 'why' keeps popping up, a lot more often lately it seems. Like 'why' are things the way they are?, or 'why' are my children considered 'special needs'... or like they often ask me 'why' do we have to go to the doctor again momma?
The biggest question that has plagued me for the last 7 years, is what did I do? Could it have been prevented? or is it just genetics?

I know these are really harsh questions, but I don't believe there is a mother out there, with a child who has disabilities, who has not asked these questions, the questions that usually have no answers.

Here is what I believe with all my heart, 'For everything there is a reason', I believe God entrusted me with these three special little boys for a very special reason. He has a plan set for their lives and mine already, He made them, He knows them, and He sees what is down our road. Only He has the answers to all of our questions, the ones no doctor can see. He loves us, and doesn't give us more than we can handle.(a very smart lady tells me that often) I have often found myself at that point, you know where it is, the point where I am looking up to heaven saying " Okay Lord, I am here now, I can't handle any more, and He always knows better, He gently pushes me a little more each time, a little further each time to make me stronger. He does that for us, He takes us where we don't think we can go, where we don't think we can stand, to show us He is God, He is in control, and He will never leave us or forsake us, no matter what!! How Great is that?!?! No matter where we are, He has been there, done that, and still knows what is up ahead!! Thank you Lord for always being here, always listening, and never leaving, no matter my many failures in life. Thank you for loving me!!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

A Princess to The Royal Kingdom...


I went "home" for the day yesterday (which I love to do) to enjoy my nephew's birthday party and spend some much needed time with my family. It was a wonderful day to see my grandparents, they are so dear to me! As well as the rest of my family, but grandparents are something special, I love to sit and listen to stories before my time and imagine life as it was then... it always seems so much simpler to me, the slow pace of days gone by... but that's another thought for another day...
As I was sitting in my sisters dining room, with my Grandma and Granlere we were talking about books, as we do on a fairly regular basis, my Granlere began a story that has been in my mind since then...

Granlere was very excited when she told that, on one of her regular trips to a local thrift store(a great place to find good books), she was approached by a lady, fellow customer come to drop off some donations, and asked if she read Christian romance novels, well she smiled brightly as only my Granlere can, and said she does. The Lady asked her to come with her to her car, she has a whole bag of them that she can have! Little did she know that is why my Granlere was there that day because I had asked her to "hunt me up some"...

In telling me this Granlere seemed surprised that this Lady picked her out of any number of other customers to give this great gift to, I however was not surprised... and this is what has been on my mind, that I have been contemplating since that story was told.
Why did this not surprise me, that my Granlere was recognized as one who reads Christian books? As a Christian?

The answer, My Granlere glows (she always has), the glow of Royalty, she has the presence of Divine Royalty, she is the daughter of The King, She is a princess to The Holy Throne of God the Father. Of course she is recognized as being so.

In turn my question is how do we get that glow? The glow of complete love, faith, hope, and reassurance? How can I be like Him so that He is seen through me? That is what that lady saw when she looked at my Granlere, the love of the Father shown through his daughter!! How exciting is that!!

Pray that He shines through us so people can see Him in us! What a life!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Second Chance at Love.

Hi. My name is mommy. To 5 little dears.

Dear 1 is sugar sweet. Most of the time. She's the doll of the house.

Dear 2 is the oldest young man. Reader boy.

Dear 3 is the next in line. BUT the first to the refrigerator! He's my ball player and he's GOOD.

Dear 4 is next---always with his thumb. Even playing catcher position. Probably the last time he plays T-Ball. He's more into action figures---and whining.

Dear 5 is the baby. Soft squishy...the last one of the brood. He's my baby and is proud of his position in the house. He's the last one to bed at night---thinks he deserves his special time with dad or something.

Then there's big daddy. Tall, handsome and courageous. Leading our family through life and loving it! (Except when the fish aren't biting) :) He's the hunter, fisher, love of my life. Loves God and his family. In that order.

God gave us all a second chance at life and love. We're all mighty glad.

This is my first stab at blogging. My mom is helping me. Be patient as I go along. I have lots to learn, but so very glad to be a part. I'm anxious to make new friends!

Oh, I almost forgot. I'm a SAHM and I enjoy that---although, it does put a major strain on the finances....which needs prayer.